Do you find that no matter how often you tell your partner that you love them, they don’t seem to hear you or believe you? Maybe they aren’t ‘auditory processors’. Each of us has a preference for how we process or represent things in our minds. Some people do favour their auditory system. They are very likely to hear the “I love you” whispered in their ear. In fact, for them it is the most effective way to express your love.
However, if your partner happens to have a visual preference, you can tell them you love them until you are blue in the face but they probably won’t hear it. Visual people need to be shown. They want tangible demonstrations of your love. Buy them flowers, take them out for a nice dinner, dress up and look great for a special occasion, clean the house for them –through these tangible actions they’ll ’see‘ that you love them.
Other partners who are kinesthetic need to ‘feel’ your love. These are the people that respond when touched in the special ways they most adore. Cuddle them, kiss them, and stroke them to make sure they feel your love.
Listen for the sorts of words your partner tends to use to describe things; notice how they respond to sensory stimulation. Those with a preference for auditory representations are going to say things like, “I like the sound of that”, “You’re not hearing me out”, or “Listen up now”. Visual processors are likely to use phrases like, “I see what you mean”, “Looks good to me”, or “I’m getting the picture.” Kinesthetic folk are going to use terms like, “I’m getting a feeling for it”, “Don’t rock the boat”, or “My gut feeling is…”.
Something to try:
If you and your partner have different sensory preferences, you may have trouble getting your messages across or understanding those of your partner. Try expressing in their mode of choice and find out what happens. You may get quite a different response than using your preferred mode.